


Happy Birthday to me

by aaaalex



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Car Accidents, Character Death, Depression, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, High School, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 13:23:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14189880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaaalex/pseuds/aaaalex
Summary: Levi recalling the days that led up to his 16th birthday in his diary. Literally just depressing shit ensues.Shitty sunmary+Sad story=depressing shit





	Happy Birthday to me

**Author's Note:**

> when was the last time i uploaded again? oh yeah, last year. sorrynotsorry. 
> 
> i’ve been through shit in my life, i’ll explain better at the end if anyone is concerned/intrigued (why are you?)

**12/12/16**

Dear Diary,

'Worthless'  
'Stupid'  
'Loner'  
'Freak'  
'Strange'  
'Weak'  
'Faggot'

I'm used to the names by now. I get called them everyday, It's nothing new. I've been called every name under the sun. An 'Emo freak'. How i'm depressed and ugly, unwanted and disowned. I have no friends. Always the last picked for sport, projects, partners and I always walk alone wherever. I know that no one likes me, they never have, and i've grown to live with that.  
It'll never change.

* * *

 

** 13/12/16 **

Dear Diary,

My mother, Kuchel was her name, died when I was 6. She was ill, we were poor and couldn't afford treatment. However, she always put my care and health before her own.  She gave me most of her food, made sure I was well fed. I knew that she would leave me one day from a young age, though I didn't understand the concept of death completely. I remember coming home from playing outside, and I see her lying on the bed. Unmoving. Motionless. Dead. I didn't leave her side for days, I just sat there looking over at her. Wishing for her to come back. After all, I couldn't do this on my own. I find myself wondering what she would think if she saw me today. Wondering if she would know about the name-calling and bullying. Would she even care?

* * *

** 14/12/16 **

Dear Diary,

My father, well I never knew him. I got told by my mother that he wasn't relevent. She never gave me an identity to go by, i've never had a father figure to look up to. What I do know is that i was a mistake, I wasn't meant to be here and i'm not wanted. An accident. A result of drinking probably. A one night stand without precautions. No wonder no one likes me.

* * *

 

** 15/12/16 **

Dear Diary,

After my mother died, my uncle, Kenny, takes me into his care. He was an asshole. He didn't care about me. Treated me as if I was an object, I hardly got fed. When I did, it was horrible, bland food which I could hardly digest. I went weeks without food or water sometimes, left to grow weak and underweight. He liked that though, seeing me on deaths doorstep struggling to stay alive. I wished I was dead sometimes. He abused me daily, hitting me if I did something wrong-which was quite often. He was the source of my depression, He caused me to feel worthless, used, broken, strange and alone. He's the reason why i'll never have friends, He's the reason why i'll die alone.

* * *

 

** 16/12/16 **

Dear Diary,

I lived a life of despair and fear for about 9 years, until I was 15. In highschool one day, I remember being called out of history to go to the main office. I don't question it, I thought it was just a surprise appointment. I was wrong however. They told me that my uncle had been shot dead earlier that morning for some reason I don't remember. I couldn't care less about him though, but I try to act emotional just to seem normal. I don't want them to see through my fake identity. I'm allowed to leave school and take time off to take things in and recover from the shock.

* * *

 

** 17/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

Today at school, we had a project to complete for History. We were asigned partners to work with, I knew that no one would want to go with me. My partner I was assigned with was called Eren. He was the 'popular boy' that was friends with everyone. Except me. He's never even talked to me, although I see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking behind those jade orbs called 'Eyes'.

* * *

 

** 18/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

Eren's coming over soon. We need to work on the project as soon as we can, our asshole of a teacher set the due date for a week. I don't know why I haven't dropped out yet honestly. I think I just heard a knock on the door. Yes I did, bye.

* * *

 

** 19/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

Yesterday was fun. Today was fun. It seems Eren has become 'Friends' with me. I hope he doesn't leave me like everyone else has in my life. Today he invited me to sit on his table at lunch. Nope. Nope. Not today. I swear I saw a frown on his face when i declined though. Cute, i'm making him sad. Me of all people. Good god.

* * *

 

** 20/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

Eren has been hanging out with me a lot lately. At lunch. At break. After school. He invites me around to his house most of the time. We've grown closer it seems. Although I still can't seem to shake of the fact something wrong. I'm scared he'll forget about me. He'll move on without me, leave me alone forever. This is why I have nobody, I have no trust.

* * *

 

** 21/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

I just got back from Eren's house. Something strange happened, we held hands. Well, he held my hand first. We've grown even closer together. Whenever I see him, a warm, bubbly feeling grows in my chest. It's like my heart expanded 10 times bigger. Is this what love is? Am I in love? I can't be. Yesterday i was having trust issues, now i've developed love. I wonder if my Mum would be proud.

* * *

 

** 22/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

It's nearly Christmas. It's nearly my birthday. Eren promised to throw a surprise for my birthday. I don't normally celebrate it, but I think now i can make an exception. Today... was eventful. It's strange, that just a few days ago I had nobody in my life. Now i apparently have a boyfriend. It all happened so fast. We were at his house sat in an uncomfortable silence. Awkward to say the least. Next thing I know, he's telling me all his feelings about me. I now know that he's had his eyes set on me for a while now. Apparently, he thinks i'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

* * *

 

** 23/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

We kissed. It's official. We kissed in front of everyone (mostly) at school. Was I embarrassed? Hell yes. Was I happy for once in my life? Hell yes. Ahhh, this has to be the best day ever. I just hope this lasts. I had almost lost hope in the world after the bullying started. But after i met Eren, all my worries seem to have faded away. I wasn't scared anymore of school, I knew that Eren would stand up for me. He does care about me, at least I think he does.

* * *

 

** 24/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

Eren's still not telling me what the surprise is tomorrow. How dare he. He says that i'll enjoy it, whatever 'it' is. I just hope that it's not a big event. I can't deal with too many people, it makes me too nervous to function. Today was pretty uneventful, so there isn't a lot left to say.

* * *

 

** 25/12/16 **

  
Dear Diary,

I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life

( **FLASHBACK EARLIER IN THE DAY** )

"Eh Levi! Answer the door! Or do I have to come in and wake you up myself~?"

Wait. What. What time is it? What day is it? Shit. Today's my birthday, wait that's a good thing. Nevermind.

"LEVI!!"  
    
"I'M COMING CALM YA TITS!"

Okay, step one get out of bed. Achieved. Step two, choose something to wear. Easier said than done. Since i'm in a rush, imI throw on some black jeans, a grey shirt and black converse. Not the best but it'll do. I quickly throw some bread into the toaster, start on some coffee and answer the door.

Call me The Flash.

"Ahh hi Eren, sorry for the wait. I uh... just woke up. I just need to eat breakfast and then we can go, okay?"

"Heh it's okay Levi, in your own time"

"Shut up"

20 minutes. That's how long it took to leave the house. 20 minutes to eat some fucking toast and drink coffee, since a certain somebody started chasing me around the house. Now we're in Eren's (fancy) car on our way to a cafe. I honestly don't know what happened to the surprise, maybe that's coming later. It takes about 10 minutes to drive there, and it's then I wish I had brought a jacket. It looks freezing outside. Eh, I can ask Eren.

"Okay~ We're here! Come on get your ass out"

"Hmph fine"

"Oh, don't look so happy about it"

We cross the road to the cafe. Why did he park on the wrong side of the road? I'm not gonna question Eren's logic.

"Say Eren? Can I borrow a jacket if you have one please?"

"Huh you cold? I'm sure I have one in my car, one second let me go get it. Wait here!"

"Ah okay"

I see him crossing the road without looking. Foolish act. He doesn't see the car coming straight towards him. He doesn't hear the screeching of the tires. Because it's all to late.

"EREN!!!"

( **FLASHBACK END** )

Happy fucking birthday to me

Goodbye diary.

**Author's Note:**

> okie dokie   
> basically as i said in my recent update in one of my stories, The Vacation (which is probably going to be discontinued), i am transgender(ftm)and i’ve been struggling a lot due to that. It’s affected me a lot mentally, i already had depression and serious anxiety, but now it’s gotten way worse than it was last year and i’ve had to focus more on my health. Before i came to terms with myself, i did self-harm, but i managed to stop afterwards, almost 2 years ago. I’m having quite serious gender strugges rn *~* Physically, im not great either. Almost 3 weeks ago i nearly collapsed, i dont know why but i think from low blood sugar levels. I have a lot if dizzy spells and get lightheaded, so i’m trying to get a better diet. im probably anemic in some way idk. 
> 
> to sum up if you couldn’t be bothered reading that, i’m falling apart, both mentally and physically. 
> 
> I’ve also recently come out to my friends as trans and also gay, so...yay for me i guess. Still not my parents yet technically, somehow they know but haven’t said anything and it’s scaring me now. 
> 
> okie, im going to try and get my life on track now..
> 
> instagram: artbyal_  
> tumblr: chrishatesyou   
> (please i need friends im a lonely boy)


End file.
